we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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