Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
