How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
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His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
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my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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