i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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