I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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