just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I could have mohawked her pubes.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
