You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
