Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Couch. On fire.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
