Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
