I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize