Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
