walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
