look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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