i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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