Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
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We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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