No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
