Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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