fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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