used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
