I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
