We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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