She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
