She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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