Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
