dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
