i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Blood and glitter go together right?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
