I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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