that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
