It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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