I am spending my child support on dildos
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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