My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
