we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
