Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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