Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
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