I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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