Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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