Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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