It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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