You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
