the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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