her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Terrible idea I love it
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
