She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
