Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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