How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
