If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize