he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
