she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
