She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
