If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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