I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
