Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
