just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
you made out with another girl for some wings
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
