And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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