I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's shark week go big or go home
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
