it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
